It’s not you Wine, it’s me: Daft despite Dry January


I abhor the smug dry January brigade as much as the next person but I am delighted I persevered with my four weeks off the booze. I broke a habit that would have eventually eroded my health and I do feel a little fresher for it yada yada, yawn yawn. I didn’t miss it and when I had some wine last Thursday and Friday, it wasn’t the joyous reunion of long-lost friends I’d anticipated; it was just, dare I say it, ‘nice’. Hopefully this means I’ll adopt a more mindful approach and avoid the proverbial February ‘retox’. (To see why I decided to embark on my first dry January, see my post entitled ‘Drynuary 2017’.)

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There are few things more boring than dry January and babbling on about dry January so I’m going to stop. But first, I need to acknowledge a home truth: I’ve been overattributing my high jinks to being tipsy or hungover. Reflecting on my antics over the past few weekends has taught me that I’m as much of an eejit off the wine as I am on it. The money-saving that’s supposed to happen during dry January did not happen. Being an eejit is expensive.

First, there was the lost keys episode. Standard locked-out scenario. The silver lining here was the fleeting pleasant surprise I felt upon learning that emergency locksmith fees have not risen since my student days! Unless it was just the gentleman Jim I happened upon via google who has been ignoring inflation all these years…

For symmetry, there was also the locked-in episode. (My friend chubb-locked the door when she left as she thought I’d left before her. I then, ahem, couldn’t find my keys in the house.) This wasn’t so bad until I ran out of food! I would like to take this opportunity to thank Hashim from Deliveroo who didn’t bat an eyelid when I had to accept my takeaway through the front window. He even complimented me on my food choices!

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There was also the lost car episode. For those of you who don’t know me, I do possess a full driver’s licence but I have managed to eschew car manoeuvres of any sort since I passed my test. My permit for the lane outside the house was a complete waste of time as I refuse to attempt to parallel park on it. This has necessitated me abandoning my car everywhere and anywhere and one particular Saturday I was unable to honour my promise to serve as designated driver as I couldn’t for the life of me remember the street on which I’d last parked the fricking thing. I spent a few tortuous hours Sunday afternoon methodically combing through the maze of streets within a 500m radius of where I usually park until I eventually stumbled upon it. Another ‘nice’ reunion.

My final car issue of January 2017 arose when it dawned on me that I’d filled up my diesel tank with petrol. Oopsies! I told myself that it happens to the best of us; c. 150,000 drivers per year according to the AA website! On the plus side I ended up stranded in Strandhill for a Saturday night and had a beano. I remarked to my friend that I was all over the shop lately to which she helpfully responded: ‘Ah sure you were doing that kind of thing ten years ago’. Thanks Vanessa! I would like to thank James Foy for coming over to drain my car and get it going again. A true gent. I’d recommend him if you run into any car problems while out west- he runs a 24 hour Auto Service! I’ve saved his number on speed dial.

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Strandhill lols with Eden in Shells coffee shop

I also water-damaged my already fairly smashed-up iPhone during dry January. No G&T or Ibiza/Vegas pool party required this month Michelle. Would you believe, I accidentally dipped it into the dregs, I repeat the dregs, of a cup of peppermint tea so no dairy or caffeine involved either! I bought a beautiful iPhone replacement a good fortnight ago. It’s so pristine and shiny compared to my current physically-abused one but can’t be arsed setting it up just yet. Mainly because I don’t know how. I still don’t really know what to do to keep the iCloud etc. A half jokey/half sarky text from an old boss this morning after I pocket-dialled her number has spurred me on to do it this week. I couldn’t stop it before she got an earful of whatever nonsense I was talking at the time as the phone is so water damaged it’s hard to see what’s happening on the screen. Also my neck pain has exacerbated the problem as it’s difficult to look down at your phone when you’re moving en bloc with heated beads and a hot water bottle pressed to your neck and upper back. This injury appeared of its own accord yesterday evening… I wasn’t even out for the first Saturday in forever!

Dear Wine, I’m sorry- It’s not you. It never was. It’s me, all me… Gulp.

 

P.S. To read more, please visit skipthescript.com

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skipthescript

My name is Michelle and I’m a Dublin-based GP (family doctor). Life is short: take the minimalist approach to maximise your health!

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1 Comment

  • Eleni
    February 13, 2017 at 3:56 pm

    This made me laugh out loud in a packed, very quiet office! That’s the Michelle I grew to love – can literally visualise every one of those scenarios happening to you 🙂

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